Dawns Eternity Demo

[clannadnagisa]

hi im just here to release a demo of my game dawns eternity its a 10 to 20 minute quick story

please enjoy

[skim]

1. You packed your game twice:

2. Must you name your main character after an existing character?
There didn't seem to be anything related to naruto in this game.

It seemed like a good first game.
I hope your next game will have more original content, story-wise and art-wise.

[clannadnagisa]

yea ive been looking for people who can make characters for me and back grounds cuz i m not good with that and on weekends i have time to make my ow music
thanks for playing

[12riven]

wow...thanks for this! ill download this later since my bandwidth is full

ill comment later k?

[clannadnagisa]

ok i hope you enjoy

[zero00]

hadn't been to the novelty forums in a week or two and there are two demos up to try ^_^

my critiques came down to a few things that I imagine will be fixed before you release the final version of your game:
- the title screen, with a lack of background or anything just felt kind of bland, I mean yeah it works but...
- proper spelling, grammar, capitalization, and punctuation: spelling wasn't a huge issue, occasionally there would be a missing letter or two or a small misspelling, but overall not bad...grammar wise I felt like several sentences just needed rewording badly, I still got the message but it just felt like there were better ways to word them...capitalization wasn't a real biggie, just need to work on those 'I's and the start of a few sentences...now for the issue of punctuation, many of your sentences just ended with no punctuation and made it seem like one big run-on paragraph, period.
- I liked your use of music for the most part, though the scene where you start helping Sakura look for her dog before the lighting changes, you have a song that lasts for just that one line and then bam it's gone...
- the choices need some work, the first choice is either continue or dead end, the second one is just for extra text, and the third is either continue or dead end, but you dead end telling Miaka goodnight with the scene still on the classroom, weird...
- I felt like while I was reading the story that I was driving through a big city and playing stop and go at every red light, it starts, it stops, it starts again, I just felt like there wasn't a whole lot of connection going on from one thing to the next...understandably this is supposed to be a demo, so I wont nitpick the story down, but I hope this takes a more original direction and doesn't just meander around...Sasuke says he doesn't talk to anyone anymore but he stops to talk to this random girl in the street and then to top it off he decides to help her look for her dog, um why?

sorry, if I sound like I'm being harsh or overly critical, but I think critique is a good thing, because it offers another persons perspective on your project

thanks for posting your demo up ^_^

[Kuro&Shiro]

First, I love the art.
but I feel like it was wasted on names that were already popular because of Naruto.
At first I thought it was a coincidence. But when there were two of them, it was a little disturbing.

Other then that I love the premise and Idea and greatly look forward to the whole story.