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Novelty forum • View topic - Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Show off your works in progress or share your completed games with the community.

Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby Eva13796 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:38 am

Hey, guys! I'm really new to this site and the program Novelty, but I'm excited to see any critique for the story, technical, and setting aspects of this WIP. When I meant "Work-in-progress", I meant REALLY work-in-progress where the only images visible are the preset backgrounds and 1 background I did myself (well, partially anyway...) .

This is the result of my work after downloading Novelty and working on it for 2 days so far. Like I said, I'm still new to the whole programming thing such as installing Options features. Right now, I'm only looking for critique on the writing and setting aspect. Because this project is something I do on the side to kill time aside from my work, I'm focusing more on the writing and saving the character and CG art as the largest and last thing I'll do. Expect an abrupt ending, guys, remember... work-in-progress...

Oh yeah, and I guess this visual novel would be 13+ or 16+ because I shoved like 5 profane words in there, but that's all so far. Then again, what do you expect even back in the late 18th century (hint, hint...)

Very short summary: Claire Parker is a young lieutenant of the British army who is assigned to infiltrate and spy on the French army. Setting takes place in Paris, France during the transition from the 18th to 19th century. This visual novel's nature is that of the otome genre, therefore there will be 5 eligible bachelors to choose from. Not exactly pure bags of sugary-sweet romance as the main theme of the plot (at least that's what I'm planning on avoiding).

http://www.mediafire.com/?21lcoy5b7f2c5bb

*Warning: Expect a very large file size for a 10-minute WIP.
Last edited by Eva13796 on Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:35 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby fleet » Thu Oct 07, 2010 6:34 pm

Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby Eva13796 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:48 am

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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby fleet » Fri Oct 08, 2010 4:56 am

That should be fine. WinRar, 7-Zip, WinZip, and Power Archiver can all open files with the zip extension. :D
I'm looking forward to seeing your work.
very respectfully,
fleet
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby fleet » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:17 pm

I was able to open the game using 7-zip.
I'd suggest you provide more background information on your lead character.
For example: How did a woman become an officer in the British army in the 18th century? Remember, that is unheard of in the 1700's.
You should mention the time period at or very near the beginning of the game. During much of that time England and France were at war, which would explain why LT Parker would get eh assignment.
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby Eva13796 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:32 pm

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Re: Our Crossing Paths Visual Novel (WORK-IN-PROGRESS)

Postby fleet » Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:04 am

Your LT Parker is an officer, and is clearly identified as a female. You might want to consider switching to a different time period. Having said all that, it's your story, so you can do with it whatever you want. I'd try to come up with a reason why she's an officer (perhaps because her Daddy is an admiral or something like that).
As far as introducing background on the main character, I'd do it early on. When I do a visual novel (I've only been at this a month or so) I'll take the first few screens and have the lead character introduce himself/herself, with enough background information to get the reader/game player interested.

Here's the dialog from the first slide of a game I wrote. I establishes who the character is, and (I hope) helps the reader establish empathy with the character.

#BEGIN#
Brad: I'm Brad. It's June and I just finished my freshman year at Johnson Junior College here in Johnson City.

Brad: I was on an academic scholarship, but I partied too much and my grades reflected it.

Brad: As a result, I lost the scholarship. My dad (who lives in another city) said I'd have to pay my own way my sophomore year. Dad can afford to pay my way, but he wants me to learn to be independent.

Brad: I signed a 12 month lease for an apartment here for my freshman year, and was unable to sublease it for the summer.

Brad: So besides needing to earn money for housing, food, tuition and books for the fall semester, I've got a lease that I can't break.

Brad: Behind me is Kennedy Prep. It's a private high school. I have a job interview there in a few minutes for a summer job. Wish me luck!
#END#
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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