Concept Art Critique

[Coatl]

Currently, I am planning a short demo of a VN about a guy who meets a girl at a bar, but the two are later antagonized by the giant or a man. It carries two routes that takes the two in either a park or a cafe. and I plan for two ending each. It will also be probably under 4,000 words.

These two in the attachments are the main heros, Emilio the rather sincere guy who gets into a bar with a fake ID trying to meet friends. And then there's Ashleigh, the shy woman who isn't afraid of having two guys duke it out for her. (Is that even normal?)

So this is a basic idea on how they might look. Think of them as test sketches. Emilio is actually a character in an old comic about how he befriends these kids when he was 16, and even though he was the odd man out, he began teaching them a lil something.

Emilio- The simple, unlikely hero, he's the youngest in the story and full-time college student in a California State University.
Ashleigh- She actually changed a lot from the original, she's really shy, but she can become highly seductive when she gets comfortable however you'll see that she has a nasty character trait deep down.
Bruno- His original concept has him looking more wider so he doesn't look too tall, I might alter his width for the final pencils on photoshop.

So I want you to give out suggestion, what would you like changed what would you like to stay, ect.

EDIT: the new picks below are still in the concept stage but it is close to the final designs. Tell me if certain thing look good or bad because the final art will probably make or break the game.

[DarckRedd]

The kid on the left looks like a dork of massive proportions.

[Coatl]

[Coatl]

My first Sketches ever... For a VN.

[heribertovalle]

That girl is looking real cute. Lovely style you got. I would really like to try it out when you finish it.

[Coatl]

I decided to revive this project, I'm actually gonna see if I can get a hold of my graphic design teacher's lightboxes to do a few redesigns, if not. I'll do my best.

[Made In Laguna]